Old seasoned investors with vacant eyes, what should they buy?

Buy stocks—specifically Trump Media & Technology Group, which has fallen from 80 to 18. You’ve bought in three times with tears, while Trump is busy tweeting and has no time to watch the stock price.

Buy gold—specifically Trump gold bars, engraved with his portrait, issued at $1,999. Now on Xianyu, they’re only $199, and no one wants them.

Buy cryptocurrencies—specifically the meme coin issued by his wife. On its first day, it surged 100 times; you chased in, and the next day it dropped 99%. The promoter is his brother-in-law.

With only $100 left in your hand, tearfully buy that book, *The Art of the Deal* by Trump—priced at $99.90, with a small note on the first page: “This book does not acknowledge any investment returns.”